Cam Pains

Fox\'s avatar

It’s that time of year again.
The weather is getting cooler, the leaves are changing colors, and the doorbell keeps getting rung by annoying people that need to bugger off.
I thought I’d made this perfectly clear with the very stylish and attractive “NO SOLICITING” sign I’d nailed into our front door. It certainly cut down on solicitors dramatically, and on the few that it didn’t turn away, I could simply point to the sign. Most then would just say “Oh, sorry. Have a nice day.” They simply hadn’t seen it. If they tried to push a product anyway, they’d now failed Hanlon’s Razor, got a glare, and a door slammed in their face.

Imagine my surprise when I started encountering political campaigners who’d been coached to tell me “Campaigning isn’t soliciting”. Now, I’ve since reviewed the law, and they’re technically correct. Soliciting is accosting someone to attempt to convince them to purchase your services. Those shilling politics and religion aren’t offering a service, but instead want your time–something many of us value far more greatly than our money. It seems the appropriate response to this is to put up a sign similar to “NO TRESPASSING” or “NO UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL” or something equally grimace-inducing that would simply make the neighborhood less attractive. (It also confuses delivery drivers just dropping off your online purchases.) What’s worse, many of aforementioned, unwanted individuals that aren’t interested in knocking on your door simply find somewhere to cram flyers. (See: Litter) Most love to shove it into those contractor grade railings that have the curls at the end as they can wedge paper in there. I’ve literally filled mine in with expanding foam so they can’t do that. I’m putting serious thought into replacing the house’s door handles because they like to try to cram them behind that. Coincidentally, if they get close enough to do that, it means they can clearly see the NO SOLICITING sign!

To counter all unwanted guests, my brain started coming up with ideas whether I liked it or not:
The original idea was just a garbage bin, labeled appropriately. It sends a clear message.
This grew into the idea of a box with only a slit in the top. What wouldn’t be immediately visible was that there was no bottom, so anything they dropped it would fall out…directly into a garbage bin beneath.
Mandy suggested adding a shredder, but I pointed out that wasps feed themselves, are waterproof and hate people disturbing them at their home more than I do. They seemed like very effective guards.
While less terrifying, she prefers to draw bees, and it’s funnier to say.

I’ve not yet implemented any of these solutions, but I’ve already 3D printed a large “NO POLITICS” sign and placed it on the door. Should this fail, more drastic matters will be taken…

Mandy\'s avatar

I actually did draw a few wasps at first, but everything I draw defaults to “cute” so naturally that I didn’t even notice the swap. Fox suggested the canvasser should be a lemming, and I’m pretty pleased with how he turned out!

29 comments on “Cam Pains

  1. I like to leave a cutout to look like someone is peeking out from behind a tree and a sign that says “Beware of Doug.”

  2. One good thing about living in Dogpatch, no shills or salesfolk knocking on the door.

  3. “Politics” comes from two Greek words:

    • “Poly,” meaning “many”
    • “Tics,” meaning “small bloodsucking creatures.”

  4. While wasps or other stinging insects are an appealing solution, I’m busy with my own: a sign that reads “politickers will be vaporized” and a dummy camera augmented with a 3D-printed flamethrower nozzle trained on my doorstep.

    It leaves them, at worst, questioning the methods available to civilians of enforcing the policy, when I answer the door.

  5. Something I just thought of…
    Open the door and greet them. When they tell you what they want to talk about, pull out a stopwatch and say, “You’re on the clock… Go!” and start the watch.
    If they ask, or just stand there, blank, tell them they will receive a bill for your time. If they do the spiel anyway, literally write out a bill and hand it to them.
    Maybe even make up some official-looking stationery in advance. 🙂

    A lawyer -might- be able to make them pay since they know in advance they will be billed. Almost certainly not worth the effort/expense. Might get them
    into the local paper though!

    1. Now, if I could just do that with all the phone-spam I get. Avg. 3/day. THE COLONEL

  6. Are these the bees that passed or failed the bomb detection training?

  7. Should’ve made him a badger, one to make this comic a brick joke with Ice Cream, and two because canvassers keep Badgering you.

  8. That’s it! I vote Bees, the best political party that will chase away our problems! 😉

  9. I thought the description of how the “campaigner trap” came about was Mandy, and was very confused for a while until I scrolled to the end

    1. I too was surprised to see that the avatars align to the bottom. I thought about asking her to fix this, and then realized “Confusion is part of what we do”

    2. Even without the avatars, I figured it had to be Fox’s idea – in terms of a sadistic streak, I don’t think Mandy’s is anywhere near the realm of Fox’s.

  10. An election was just called in Canada, and I’m already sick and tired of the lies and empty promises of all the parties. I wish I could follow Fox’s example.

    1. It’s funny, since the election has been called, the only thing I’ve gotten was a letter from the Conservative party asking for donations – no pamphlets, etc. from any of the local candidates. In fact, only one prospective politician has ever canvassed door-to-door in my neighbourhood (during a municipal election) in the fifteen years I’ve lived here and I voted for him on pretty much that fact alone (he also won the seat for my area).

  11. Well I made my mom and dad a sign that works well

    “We found Jesus long ago under a rock
    We’re happy with our lack of phone service
    We like politicians like we like Fleas in our ears
    And Girl scouts will be shaken down by a thin mint addict.”

    That pretty much covers most bases.

  12. The most effective way we’ve avoided political canvassers is to address their training head on. There’s good research that shows that face to face engagement is substantially more effective than any types of ads or mail. They are trained to hit on the things that increase turn out, as it’s easier to get someone moved from indifferent to showing up, than it is to change views. They ask if you plan on “being a voter” (the active personal phrasing is intentional rather asking “will you vote”), if you know the date of the election, where your polling place is, and if you are aware of the candidates.
    So we put up a sign that said: “We will be voting for sure (or we already voted early), we know the election is on the Xth, and we will be voting at the elementary school. Your time is valuable to your campaign, don’t waste it here.” I’ve watched multiple clipboard carriers come to the door, read, and just move on.

  13. I am so glad that we don’t have political campaign formats stolen from the jehova witnesses. Finland is very… Don’t bother no-one country. The one time we got those godbotherers on our door, my housemate went to answer… In nothing but briefs and 2 litre vodka bottle in hand. The faces of those real life pop-up ads seemed like Jehova had just left the house…. Needless to say, I was almost ruining myself with laughter

      1. Hilarious video (even some of the comments are very funny as well)! I loved it when he came out with the broom! ?

      2. Yeea dumb teddybears.. I’ve yelled that at reindeers, foxes(no offence), a moose that was stomping on mother’s strawberries and I wanted to save it from annihilation…. Mom loves her strawberries.. And that one time A damn weasel stole my fish! PERKELE!!

    1. “real life pop-up ads” ? … gonna have to use that phrase sometime (if you don’t mind). I would have paid good money to have seen the look on the JWs’ faces when they first laid eyes on your housemate! lmao

      1. My housemate was peculiar one… To be honest we are both finnish rednecks so we get the most dumbfuck ideas ever. Like that one time the said housemate and I were cooling off put after sauna. He grabs a chainsaw and goes to show it off to some late joggers. Sweaty, in towel, chainsaw.

        I wish I was kidding.

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