Tooth Duller

Mandy\'s avatar

 Life of a military brat – Mom gave my sister and me hardtack to gnaw on when we were teething. If you want to try it, it’s incredibly easy to make!

53 comments on “Tooth Duller

  1. Perfect treat for gnawers. If I remember right, soldiers in the Civil War busted it up and soaked the pieces in hot water to make mush. I imagine it tasted better when it was all there was to eat.

    1. A on the march sandwich for the Civil War trooper was a hunk of raw salt pork between two hardtack.

  2. I wanna make this! Thanks for making my Halloween a little less lame! ‘Wonder how hardtack tastes?… I had some emergency rations stocked up, and I ate those like candy!

    …As I typed this I looked into said food stockpile… A stupid mouse has ruined the vacuum seal on my whole supply… My entire apocalyptic loadout now consists of water, purification tablets, a knife and a Band-Aid.

    Guess who’s getting left behind? 🙁

    1. Hardtack tastes like wood. The best way to try to eat it without needing dental work afterwards is to soak it in rum first. For about three days.

      I was captain of a pirate ship for a year, and we had some hardtack as part of the stores. It was the one thing we could be guaranteed that no one would try to snitch.

      1. I never realized that helmets were made out of colanders. This comic is so educational!

        1. I think it’s old British army issue. (The Brits have army surplus stores in the U.S. now?? 🙂 )

  3. Heh.
    Hardtack….

    So many anecdotes I know about the oldest of US military rations.
    For instance, it was common for them to become infested with weavils….Leading to the nickname “worm castles”.

    Leftover rations from the civil war were still being issued to troops on the western frontier up to the 1880s…Some of the hardtacks were actually green with mold, but still edible.

    Our modern saltine cracker is derived directly from the hardtack.

    I enjoyed eating those when I was a civil war re-enactor…There are several modern sources for commercially made hardtack if you don’t want to bother making your own.

    -Badger-

    1. Thanks! I remembered the first fact from history class, but I was unsure which roll it was based on.

  4. First time i heard of hardtack was in a Garfield strip. Jon and Garfield were on a budget budget airline and Jon demanded food, which is promptly thrown at them from the galley at the back. Garfield then muses ‘yum, swill
    and hardtack’. I then found out about hardtack. Thanks, Jim Davis!

    Also i think panel four is particularly well drawn. Love the teeth 🙂

    1. Yep, panel four seems very expressive. PS: You ever read Garfield: His 9 Lives?

  5. ROFLMAO@Fox. That’s all that I have the strength to post now. I’ll have to say something else later. ROFLMAO.

  6. Woo, hardtack! It’s like lembas bread from Lord of the Rings… Just instead of being made with magic and joy it’s made with sadness and despair.

  7. Hey! With the great orange coloing, you broke the first rule of Inktober! Are you still going to do Punvember? That would be INKredible.

  8. My Swedish “grandma” who lived next door used to make hardtack and we would have it with butter as a treat.

  9. Sounds like the “cram” from The Hobbit that inspired D&D’s rations.

    1. Who remembers throwing LOTRO’s “Dale man’s crams” away by the stack?

  10. Eh, I prefer lembas wafers. Biggest source of nutrition there is.

    Victor, why are you here? (this is going to be hard to explain, considering the source is down) Get back in the game!

  11. I once made something similar but I was tring to make some english muffin bread. It was, according to some(myself included), “Hard enough to drive nails”.

      1. Nope recipe I found in a modern cookbook. I just made the too dry and slightly overcooked(not even enough to overbrown or taste).

  12. Would this stuff by safe for puppies to teeth on? His chew toys, moose antlers, squeaky toys and ropes does hold out long and the only thing durable enough thah lasts is my arm or hand or pants leg.

    1. Is it teething? Teething usually means he doesn’t have any teeth visible yet, but I assume he does unless he’s destroying toys with his gums.

      Regardless, I can’t think of a reason it would harm the dog, apart from the fact that it’d probably make him fat. Puppy teeth, IIRC, feel as sharp as obsidian–if he got a corner of it it’d be brittle enough to cut off.
      Obviously I ate a lot of it so it wasn’t that bad.

      I’d recommend a Puppy Kong to solve your problem.

  13. Dress it up with cherry frosting and sprinkles, and leave it in a bowl marked “Do not steal” – in the fridge at work.

  14. A touch of dried spice for flavor isn’t a bad idea either. Most pre-powdered spices will add some flavor without significantly affecting the shelf life unlike sugar or animal products.

  15. Sounds like a hard version of that shitty homemade glue or that paste the elementary school kids love to eat.

  16. I tried making hardtack once. The result was kind of like trying to eat the plate instead of the bread. It fractured with sharp corners and a shiny breaking-point surface. I think I must have kneaded the dough too long.

  17. I think real hardtack is baked twice to really get the water out of it. That’s what makes it so nigh indestructible.

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